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A Journey Through Shadows: Finding Light After Loss


As the calendar turns to February, I find myself reflecting on the unique journey this past holiday season has taken me on—a journey that has unexpectedly stretched into the new year. The holiday season, usually a beacon of joy and togetherness, felt like a chokehold of depression this time around. The absence of my beloved grandma and mom, now my angels, transformed what should have been festive days into a series of reminders of my loss.

This struggle has been all too real, a tangible presence that followed me into February, a month where the rest of the world seems to have moved on from holiday reflections. Yet, for me, the season’s shadow lingered, making it feel as if the holiday blues had extended their stay. It was a period of profound sadness, where the cheer and brightness of holiday decorations and songs echoed the void left by my loved ones.

Despite the prolonged gloom, the unwavering support and kindness from my village—friends, family, and loved ones—have been my guiding light. Their patience and grace have allowed me the space to navigate my grief on my own terms, reminding me of the strength found in community during times of loss.

In this extended period of reflection and sorrow, I’ve found a beacon of hope in the form of spring cleaning. This act, typically reserved for clearing out clutter, has morphed into a powerful symbol of renewal and hope for me. It represents a deliberate step towards healing, an opportunity to make room not only in my home but in my heart for new memories and joys to take root. This spring cleaning is more than just a seasonal chore; it’s a ritual of letting go and moving forward, a physical manifestation of my readiness to welcome light back into my life.

February, thus, has become a turning point for me. It’s a reminder that healing doesn’t adhere to a calendar; grief and loss don’t

vanish with the arrival of a new year or the passing of a holiday season. Instead, healing is a journey that can begin anew at any moment, even in a month like February, which stands as a bridge between the cold of winter and the promise of spring.

This process of spring cleaning, of sorting through the past and embracing the future, has helped me understand that the presence of my loved ones is not confined to the holidays but woven into the fabric of every day. Their memory and love encourage me to find joy in the midst of sorrow, to seek light in the shadows.

As I move forward, the support of my village remains my constant. Their understanding and compassion remind me that while the path of grief is mine to walk, I do not walk it alone. This journey has taught me the importance of allowing oneself grace and space to heal, to recognize the small steps forward, and to acknowledge that it’s okay to feel joy and sorrow in equal measure.

In sharing my story, I hope to reach others who find themselves in the shadows, regardless of the season. May you know that it’s never too late to seek the light, to start anew, even if that beginning comes in the quiet of February. Let this time of year be a reminder that renewal isn’t confined to the arrival of spring but can start with the smallest act of hope, like opening a window to let in the fresh air or clearing a space for something new.

Thank you to my village for walking this path with me, for the grace, patience, and kindness you’ve shown. Together, we step into the light of tomorrow, carrying with us the love and memories of those we’ve lost but never truly parted from. As we move from the holiday blues into the potential of February and beyond, let’s remember that the journey of healing and renewal is always possible, one step, one breath, one day at a time.

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