Love Is a Verb: Finding Strength in the Fallout

I was asked this question recently, and my mind didn’t go to the places you might expect. I didn’t think about anniversary dinners, gifts, or the “highlight reel” moments we often post about on social media.

My mind went immediately to the quiet, hard, and unglamorous moments. It went to my husband.

We often talk about love as a feeling, but over the last year, I have learned that love is actually a verb. It is an action. It is the decision to show up, standing tall, when the ground beneath you feels like it is crumbling.

Showing Up for the Care When my mother needed care, my husband didn’t just stand on the sidelines. He stepped into the arena with me. He didn’t wait to be asked; he saw what needed to be done, and he did it. Caring for a parent is a heavy, complex, and emotional journey. It requires a level of patience and selflessness that tests you to your core. In those moments, I felt loved not because of what he said, but because of what he shouldered. He shared the weight so I wouldn’t collapse under it.

Navigating the Fallout We often think that once a loss occurs, the “hard part” is over. But anyone who has lost a loved one knows that the loss is just the beginning. There is the “fallout”—the grief that comes in waves, the administrative nightmares, the clearing out of a life, and the emotional exhaustion that lingers long after the services are over.

This is where I feel most loved today.

He continues to show up for the fallout. He holds space for my grief when it shows up at inconvenient times. He handles the details that I don’t have the mental capacity to manage. He is the steady hand on my back when I need to keep moving, and the soft place to land when I need to stop.

Why I’m Sharing This I share this because in a world—and an industry—that often focuses on the perfect aesthetic and the seamless execution, it’s important to acknowledge the messy, beautiful reality of real support.

So, if you ask me where I’ve felt loved, it’s there. In the care. In the fallout. In the steadfast presence of someone who understands that “I love you” is best spoken through showing up.